Erik Van Alstine

Erik Van Alstine

Author. Leadership strategist. Expert in Perceptual IntelligenceTM.

Handling Snakes: 3 Strategies for Dealing with “People Problems”

I just wrote a book titled Automatic Influence to help leaders, salespeople, parents – anyone who wants more influence for themselves and wants to motivate others for the greater good.

I also lead Automatic Influence one-day training sessions. In one session, I show this shocking video.

As a group, we discuss what we observed. The insights that come from it are transforming.

Here’s one insight: Irwin’s immunity. No, he’s not physically immune to snake poison. He’s psychologically immune. He gets attacked but doesn’t retaliate. He certainly doesn’t like getting bit, as the video makes clear. He also works to avoid getting bit, and there’s a lesson in that. But the big reveal is how he keeps his endearment for the snakes, even when they attack him.

Think about the difference between Irwin’s reaction and how the average person would react. One strike and they’d be running out of there screaming, or slamming snakey on the ground and stomping him to mush. No question, the reaction is different.

Here’s how I write about Irwin’s attitude in my book:

No question about it, Steve’s in love with these snakes. They’re magnificent creatures with great value. One of them is an old mate of mine. Another is glorious. Another is a little beauty. When snakes snap at him, he stays endearing. They’re just grumpy and cranky. When they hiss at him, he understands and forgives.

Let’s relate this to everyday life. What if we could see “problem people” like Steve Irwin sees snakes? What if we could be as psychologically immune to interpersonal problems as Steve was to these angry snappers?

  • Say you’re a realtor and the seller is nervous and angry. They threaten to walk away from the deal, and say bad things about you. “If you did your job we wouldn’t be in this mess!” Will you have the emotional strength to handle the situation in a constructive and validating way? Will you overlook the insult, or will you react, attack back, intensify the problem, and lose the sale?
  • Or say a co-worker is hiding helpful information from you and talking you down behind your back. Will you confront the situation in a peacemaking way or attack back, intensifying the rift?
  • Or say your teenager is acting up like teens do. They hurl abuse at you. Will you hold the line while keeping your endearment, or will you slam snakey to the ground? Will you scream and yell and threaten, or will you keep your composure and endearment as you correct?

Most of us create more problems than we solve when we try to handle interpersonal issues. We need skill, and we need psychological immunity. We need to be more like Steve.

My Automatic Influence training sessions reveal a powerful process to do this, which is too lengthy to describe here, but here are several strategies you can use to start boosting your immunity immediately.

Snake Handling Strategy 1: Expect biting and hissing.

One of our biggest problems is the belief that we shouldn’t have problems. When interpersonal problems crop up, we think it’s the end of the world. We think, Why me? This should not be happening. The better strategy is to expect people to react and hiss and bite, just like Steve expects it of snakes.

Snake Handling Strategy 2: See problem people as magnificent.

In the same way that Steve sees snakes as “glorious” and “magnificent” even when they’re hissing and biting, we can do the same in the middle of our people problems. Even when people are making mayhem, we can still see them as people of equal high value and needs as ourselves. Automatic Influence describes perception as a “power button in the basement of the mind,” and when our perception of people is right, it automatically influences constructive attitudes and motivations and emotions.

Snake Handling Strategy 3: Give it time.

People can get used to anything with enough exposure. Instead of running from interpersonal problems, face them. Then face them again. And again. And again. Steve Irwin started handling snakes when he was just a boy. It was terrifying at first, but after thirty years, he’d become poised and skilled.

Same with learning conflict resolution skills. It takes experience. Repeated experiences. Practice. It takes mental practice through role-playing, and actual time resolving things. Embrace people problems as part of leadership training, just like Steve embraced snake-handler training.

Whenever we run into a “people problem” we run into a love test. Will we see people, even when they’re hostile, as people of equal value and needs as ourselves? Will we see problem people like Steve Irwin sees snakes?

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