Erik Van Alstine

Erik Van Alstine

Author. Leadership strategist. Expert in Perceptual IntelligenceTM.

Donald Trump, here’s how you can fix things.

I’m one degree of separation from Donald. A friend of mine advises him. Which means I see Donald not so much as a political figure, or a caricature, but as a person. He’s a friend of a friend.

I don’t agree with him on everything. Who does? I don’t like a lot of the things he says or does. But still, I choose to see him as a human being.

I see Hillary that way too. And Bernie. And every other political candidate.

I’m not a fan of the political process altogether. The American political climate tends to suck the humanity out of us, encouraging us to create cartoon distortions of candidates instead of seeing them as they are: human beings of equal value and needs as ourselves, possessing complex combinations of good and bad traits.

With that in mind, consider the complex combination that is Donald Trump. I’m a fan of Donald Trump’s best traits. I like it when he says things that need to be said. When he’s fearless. When he’s an effective leader. When he gets things done. When he loves his children and they admire him back.

At the same time, I’m no fan of Trump at his worst, as we’ve heard in the private recordings this week. It’s reprehensible, inexcusable, as bad as it can get.

I could offer the same list of good and bad about Hillary. Or myself. Or anyone. But in this post, the focus is Donald.

So I write this as I would write a friend with a serious problem, to offer a helping hand, knowing we all have serious problems. Unlike those who believe people can’t change, I believe people can and do change – when they’re willing and when they use the right approach.

So, here’s how Donald can fix things. It may be too late to fix things politically, but I’m talking about fixing things with the man in the mirror.

First, he can get to the root of the problem.

There are two basic ways we try to solve chronic problems – at the surface or at the source. “For every thousand hacking at the branches of evil,” wrote Thoreau, “there is one striking the root.” Most of us hack at branches using surface tactics. We try to change things, but change doesn’t last, because we don’t get to the source of our problem. We never strike the root.

I’ve been studying how people change for a long time now, and here’s what I’ve found: resolutions don’t work. We resolve to change, grit our teeth and gut it out, then lapse right back into status quo.

Why? Because it’s hacking branches. There’s something deeper than attitude and behavior that needs to change before the attitudes and behaviors themselves can change. When we find that deeper something, and make change there, the attitudes and behaviors change automatically.

I’ve also been studying root-level approaches to influence for a long time now, and discovered that everything starts with perception. The way we see ourselves, others, and life automatically influences our emotions, motivations, and behaviors.

Here’s another way to describe the power of perception. In every moment we instantly ask and answer two questions. The first is, What is happening? The second is, How good or bad is it? In this way, we “see” things, not in the sense of physical sight, but in the way we characterize and evaluate. We make instant judgments about people and situations and self and the world, which automatically influence our attitudes and actions. Perception is the power button in human nature, like a red button in the basement of the mind.

So if we’re going to change our attitudes toward people, and the way we treat people, we’ve got to start with a new view of people. It doesn’t work to resolve to be nicer. The only thing that truly works is to fix the perception. Once that’s done, everything shifts. The emotions are different. The conversation changes. The behavior changes. Automatically.

Second, he can strike the root by changing his perceptions of people. Not just women. All people. Friends. Enemies. Business partners. And political opponents.

If I was advising Donald directly, I’d say, “The root of the problem is the way you perceive people. Not all the time, of course. But from time to time. In many situations you see people, not as people of equal value and needs as yourself, but as tools and barriers to your goals. This automatically influences the attitudes and emotions you have toward people, and influences the ways you interact with them.”

How do I know this is the root of his problem? Because it’s the root of every person’s problem. I have this problem. Every CEO in America has this problem. We’re all looking at life from our own frame of reference, which tempts us to believe we’re the center of everything. We’re all hyper-focused on our own goals and aspirations. That means it’s extremely easy to see people merely as resources to reach our goals, whether the goals are noble, like making America great again, or base, like sexual conquest. We get so caught up in our goals that everyone else becomes a tool to achieve them or an obstacle to our achievement.

It’s easy for anyone to get a distorted view of people, but I think it’s especially easy for leaders, because it’s their job to use people to achieve organizational goals. Over the years as a businessman Donald has used people as resources to build organizations, and that’s certainly okay. That’s what entrepreneurs do. But when entrepreneurs forget that people are people of equal value and needs as themselves, they see people the wrong way. The perception is off, which means there’s a root-level problem that infects every attitude, every emotion, every interaction. The huge challenge for leaders is to see others as people of equal value as self, while also seeing them as organizational resources.

Third, cement in the new view.

It’s one thing for Donald to choose a new view of people. But keeping up that new view is another thing altogether. Every moment is opportunity to see people the right or wrong way, and when we’ve been in the habit of seeing people as tools and barriers all our lives, we can quickly slip back into the wrong view. The goal is to see people right, every moment we’re with them, and every moment we’re making decisions that involve them.

So I’d suggest Donald use this thought-trigger, and say this to himself every time he’s about to do something that involves people: Remember, Donald, these are people of equal value and needs as yourself. Keep that view in mind as you talk with them and make decisions that concern them. Then, once that view is planted in his mind, it will automatically influence him to feel right about people and treat them with respect.

Accountability partners can help Donald as well. He could select a few friends and colleagues and family members to remind him when his view is off so he can quickly get back on track. They all should pick a code phrase like “tippy toes” or “lemon tree” (thinking of a Seinfeld episode) and ask them to say it anytime they’re sensing Donald working from the wrong view. Then Donald can go back to the thought-trigger: Remember, Donald, these are people of equal value and needs as yourself. Keep that view as you talk with them and make decisions concerning them.

Fourth, hold the new view in the middle of “people problems.”

This new view gets even more important when we deal with “people problems,” and there’s no one on earth who has Donald’s level of people problems right now. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to walk in his shoes, so I offer this advice knowing that talk is cheap, and things are so much easier said than done. But I believe Donald can do this, and do this well, because he’s such a strong person.

Even when people are causing problems for Donald, he can still remember that they are people of equal value and needs as himself. Every “people problem” is a test of Donald’s ability to keep the right view of people as he debates them, or corrects them, or works to resolve issues with them.

I truly believe Donald can choose to see people right even when people mischaracterize him. When others describe him as less than human, describing him a “big jerk” or a “sleaze-ball,” he can choose the opposite. He can remember that these attackers are still people of equal value and needs as himself. He can keep the human view in mind, which means his approach to every people problem would take a completely different tone.

That doesn’t mean a weak tone, by the way. Tough love is something I believe Donald can offer extremely well, just as long as he makes sure it’s tough love, instead of mere toughness. When he holds the right view of people, then talks tough like he does so well, people catch the feeling that he is for them, like a coach that pushes for people instead of against them. Instead of resenting Donald for his tough tone, people might actually appreciate him. Like his children do.

If and when Donald works to keep the right view of people in mind, he might just win people over. People will pick up the subtle cues that he truly values them. They’ll be much more willing to work with him to solve problems.

Donald Trump 2.0.

Listening to the Billy Bush audio this week, I thought, That’s a disgrace, for sure. But I believe in a Donald Trump who can be better than that. I believe there’s a new and improved Donald Trump waiting in the wings…if he is willing. I believe there can be a Donald Trump 2.0, the upgraded man who sees people right, every moment of sight, and who works just as effectively to improve himself as he works to improve America.

 

Erik Van Alstine helps leaders lead better and live better. His new book, Automatic Influence: New Power for Change in Life and Work, releases October 24, 2016. 

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