My best friend Chris Dunayski and I are nearly par golfers, which means we score around 72 on a good day. And we compete every time we play.
When we’re competing, I think about two standards. One is better-than-others. For me, this is beating Chris. The other standard is my best self – breaking scoring records, playing my best game. Just a few weeks ago, for example, I beat Chris in a game. He beat me four days later, but of course I prefer talking about the time I beat him.
That day that I beat Chris, neither of us played to our best. I shot a 77, and he shot a 78. In golf the lowest scores win, so I won, but these were poor scores for both of us. If better-than-others is the standard, I did well that day, and my game is just fine. But if best self is the standard, I didn’t do well at all, and I need to improve my game.
Then just a couple days ago Chris and I played again. He shot a 70, and I shot a 71. I lost. But it was a much better day for me because I performed closer to my potential.
So what’s better, beating Chris? Or being my best? Actually, the answer is both. But if I had to choose just one option, I’d choose being my best.
College basketball coach John Wooden said it like this: “Never try to be better than anyone else, but never stop trying to be the best you can be.”